On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
