traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
