My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
