he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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