Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
