His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
