I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Boobs speak an international language.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
