you traded sex for a burrito?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
