marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
