He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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