so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
