she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
