I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
