I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize