help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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