Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
