She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
