I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
