we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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