I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
