The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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