i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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