peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize