Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
