Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
