You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
