you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
