some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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