how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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