Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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