She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
