Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
