So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
