me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
