How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
