I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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