I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
