saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
