I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
