I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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