I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
