Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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