I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
