Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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