Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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