I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize