I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
