he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
