Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
