I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
