That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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