Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
