You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
