I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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