So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
