i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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