"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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