I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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