I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
