Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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