6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
