fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
