i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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