Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
