i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
