Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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