Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
