the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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