i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
