dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
