so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
