Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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