If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
