i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
