brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
