my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
