So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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