also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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