He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
