she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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