if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
