im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
