You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
