so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
