His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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