only if we run a train.
done.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize