At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
