I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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