ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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