____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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