Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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