My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
