woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
