babies were throwing up all over the place
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I would but heβs not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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