Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
