he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
