I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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