I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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