you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize