Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
