I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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