Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
