Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
